Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Alex Wilson: The Weather Channel's Demon-Eyed Vixen

looking normal though carp-jawed and raccoon-eyed
Any time I have a chance during the mid-afternoon I tune into the Weather Channel to see crazy-eyed Alex Wilson hock the weather. She not only over-hypes meteorological happenings but likewise over-extends her peepers. Wide-eyed, zealous-looking aggies that belong in a Goya painting filled with licentious forebodings of terror. Not that I'm frightened because quite honestly loony is lovely and any mortification is balanced by an equal amount of titillation.

and here come the crazy eyes
Sure, self-imposed, long-term celibacy might have something to do with the fascination but I've always had strange fetishes. For women, that is. Belly and armpit lust, nose admiration, a thirst for Yaeba teeth and other minor indecencies. Never for eyes. Colorblindness cured most of that potential but the only noticeable qualities in the tarnished soul windows come with negative connotations. Nasty eyes. Cat eyes. Whore eyes. Kinda like a baby mama that used to stare at you during the act as if a demon was going to pop out of your face and devour her. It would have if you'd only known what she was up to. Meanwhile her husband was back at the homestead torturing cats and causing untimely death to small animals. All unbeknownst to you because you're a wonderful person and the light of love emanates from your being. Haha. I mean, who wants to torque somebody's wife anyway? Blech.

full-blown goog-a-mania
Anyway, Alex Wilson is the poster board face for a stalking enchantress. A 2AM siren filled with lust and jealousy. Of course, she'll have to get through your mother to get to you since all bloggers live at home and pay alimony and child support with PayPal funds. Just beware of her knob-blocking partner Dave Schwartz. The guy is a dim-bulb, dead-panning buffoon who is about as funny as he is intellectually limber as he bumbles and plods through his monologues. A small sacrifice in the pursuit of crazy lurve.

hawter than a red hot, crazier than all hell


Anonymous said...

Dave Schwartz is a weather channel legend. He is a thousand times funnier than anything you have ever spewed during your existence. Ya got that?

the said...

Yeah, I got it! Haha. What's your take on Alex Wilson's crazy eyes?