Thursday, February 28, 2013

Craigslist Missed Opportunity Romance Ads from Alaska

Taking a cue from the bi-polar Michael Savage, who has apparently come down from the endorphin rush of appearing on Alex Jones's show after ranting and raving for two straight nights, and is back to being the local talk show guy with topical subjects, I'm going for the same effect.

Tonight Savage's shtick is sex, personal ads, Catholicism, mish-mash, zzzzzz. All perfectly acceptable talk topics if you're not known for being a right wing wacko. Luckily, nobody cares enough to take me to task so I'm going to post some local Craigsist personal ads to humor myself.

I was going to do local ads but with the level of craziness on these things and the chance that I might even know one of the unhinged, I'm just going to pick a random city and go from there. Also, for those who believe in the fact that you are being spied on by your computer (mic, webcam, etc.), well... when I typed into my browser it pre-loaded info for the San Francisco and the Bay area, which is where Savage broadcasts from. How else would they know that unless the computer could hear me listening to him? Anyway...

I picked Alaska because it's remote, winter 6 months of the year and sparsely populated so the lonely hearts are tinged with mania from the climate and their ability to appease biological needs is greatly compromised. I've typed enough here so let the love speak instead (haha):

Hot bearded hipsters at Soldonta Tesoro in bumfawk Alaska come forth! If you're a liberal mountain man you're going to get your wood chopped, roasted and turned to ash by a 26 year old music maniac who just loves to dance! Of course, the fact that you're driving a light colored van that you probably cart your kids around in you'll most likely have to do it on the sly. You are, after all, a liberal mountain man and can do it all and more.

Oh, those careless whispers while daddy is playing house-momma to YOUR kids. Strange 30 in Fairbanks has the 7 hair twitch between her legs and is embroiled in multiple affairs because hubby doesn't think her slutty self is beautiful any more. What's really strange here is that I take umbrage with this sentiment even though we're on a suspended globe of water spinning recklessly in space and are all doomed.

Hey Fairbanks fraternal order of police some chick with a headlight out that you pulled over wants to pull her other headlights out for you! I can just see it now, a mustached Eskimo man in leather chaps licking his lips as he goes in for the cheddar after imbibing in the wine. Just don't bring your "screwdriver" with the magnetic tip because Gawd knows how many badges, pins and bawbles from other men are under the cushions of her futon.

Okay, this is as tedious as the Wouldya Ouija. Excelsior.

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