Saturday, December 8, 2012

Why I Hate Ty Bollinger

No, I'm not some physician with a beef against alternative medicine but rather a petty belligerent who picks at the small stuff to sustain his hubris-inspired soul. Hence, why I hate Ty Bollinger.

It's not his independent cancer studies or the fact that he's not a doctor or his successful books that sell for $20+ on Amazon or even his Carnivora commercials that play during every talk radio show commercial break though this last part is the root of my disdain for the man. No sir, it's because he says Rawn-ald Reagan. Here, have a listen:

You see? RAWN-ALD Reagan! Gah! 'The fawk is that? I've never heard somebody say RAWN-ALD Reagan and I don't want to ever hear it uttered again. I hate accents. Except on hot chicks. I want everybody to speak the Queen's English.

Not those vulgar tones of tongue the English speak but as it's written and pronounced in a dictionary. Which includes you Michiganders who add an "s" on to every word so that it becomes a plural. You are heathens. In fact, I think that anybody who speaks with these accents and regional vocal quirks is not human and should be flogged.

Seriously, how the hell did the great chasm between the written and spoken word come into being? I know, when Middle English transformed to Modern English blah blah blah. I don't really need your explanation. Just fix it, all right?

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